I would sit on my bed at night and open the curtains and stare at the night sky; the stars, the moon and I'd dream.
The first Briton on the moon, the youngest Astronaut ever, the aspirations of a child.
Childhood
I remember the summer holidays. The end of school, the beginning of adventure.
The endless football games, the beating sun and freedom we so enjoyed.
We'd start our games at 12 and not go home until dark.
The thrill of competition, the sweat, the striking of the ball and the bulge of the net, the freedom.
I remember the "relationships" that would only last a day. Getting your friends to talk to the girls, barter and debate on what one to go out with. The hugging because we were forced to and not even considering kissing her.The pretence of freedom
I remember Gameboy colours and Sega Dreamcasts and Little Tikes cars and Lego and panicking over the 6 times table because it was the hardest thing you'd ever learnt. I remember Sunny D and running up the stairs the second you turned the light off, because you knew something would chase you as the light disappeared. I remember the sleepless nights on Christmas Eve or the night before my birthday, the anticipation of the day to come, and the despair when it was over. I remember going on the computer just to use paint and the worst word you could ever possibly say was "Bloody Hell." I remember Busted and Blue and Westlife and I remember Fairly Odd Parents and the Thornberries and Rugrats. I remember a late night being 9 O'clock and pretending to get drunk on J20. I remember candy cigarettes and dressing to play outside.
I remember telling mum everything and not having to worry about what to wear or what to say.
I remember when I would argue with friends and then make up the next day, and the biggest problem was wondering how long I would get to play football at lunch.
But I couldn't wait to grow up.
To learn to drive and have a job and buy whatever the hell I liked and to own my own house and get married and live happily ever after.
To get to bed when I wanted and dress how I liked. To be free of exams and teachers and timetables and homework.
To go on holiday to the most beautiful places and to never tire of the sunset along the beach.
To drive and drive and drive until I couldn't drive any farther.
To do whatever I wanted to do, because I had grown up.
I didn't think of the despair.
I didn't think about the failures and the detentions and the U's in the mocks.
I didn't think about the "Josh you're on your last chance now" and the humiliation of ignorance.
I didn't think about the pressures of fashion, "What you wear is who you are" But who am I?
I didn't think about the overtime and extra shifts and the tax.
I didn't think about the 11PM finishes and the lifting and the talking and the serving.
I didn't think about the dangers of alcohol and drugs and love.
I didn't think about the nights lost in the gulp of a beer.
I didn't think about the loss of friends.
I didn't think about the loneliness.
I didn't think about the heartbreaks.
I didn't think that love could be so hard.
I didn't think that life could be so hard.
I didn't think about the childhood I lost, wishing for my childhood to be lost.
I wish I'd stayed young forever.
How stupid were we to wish our lives away? To wish for a future so bright and open, that only ends as we can't imagine.
How stupid was I?
Hindsight is a funny old thing.
I'm only 17
