The Knowing

Dawn broke, just as it always does. Light flooding down the avenues, filling windows, opening eyes. The one entity mankind can fully rely on: the sun rising as surely as it will later fall and again and again. No matter the state of the world, the sun will continue it's business, ever dutiful to the hand of God. The moon it's silver accomplice. In unison patrolling the heavens above, eavesdropping on our wishes to the stars. Our guide in stormy seas and barren sands.
A reliance I can so readily depend.
I'm okay doesn't mean I'm okay.
A lack of dependability, of reliance in words.
Words are deceiving. The sun, moon, stars, they are forever as they are.
Words can be a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I say I'm okay, I'm not.
I say yes, I want to say no.
I say I love you, I don't.
I'm in love with you.
Words you can depend on
Knowing those words are the only dependable syllables in my vocabulary.
I mean what I say when those 5 words are spoken.
The rest are not my words.
It's what you want me to say.
"I'm okay" It's easy. It saves the questions, the curiosity I can't handle.
It's late at night, when alone, vulnerable, do my words turn to truth.
I am who I am.
I've taken off the mask. I'm not Josh or Joshy or Giosue.
I am me. Mi.
La verità.
I'm not okay.
I am loneliness. Wrapped up in my own world, I didn't see the other leave me behind.
I am confusion. What I know is no longer what I know.
I am regret. Beauty is no option.
I am okay though. Conversations with myself never suffer.
Though I never listen.
I know best.
Words are not to be depended upon.
But the sun rises, so it'll be okay. Truly Okay.