To a Future

The alarm went off, I woke up, I opened my laptop, I went onto the internet, I checked the MK council website: St Paul's Catholic School was still open despite six inches of snow. I sigh, drag myself out of bed cursing Mr Manley and his wretched snow plows, and got into the shower.
After the shower I again check the website and ,to my annoyance, school was now closed.
I had a dilemma. I was awake, showered and dressed. I looked out the window and decided to do something radical. Something I may never do again in my life. Something so out of character I surprised myself.........

I went on a pre-dawn, photo-taking snow walk.
Woahh Joshy, calm down, bit of a big step for you?
Well not really. I've done it several times before and it helps to clear your head of all the unwanted thoughts and feelings you've felt recently. The birds singing and the snow crunching, the fresh morning air in your lungs, it's something that cannot be fully described into it's total beauty. I took a risk this morning. I could have got back into bed and slept until 10 O'clock. Or I could go out and witness something I may never get the chance to witness again.
The canal an endless sheet of perfect ice, the rising sun just glistening off the surface.
The holy trinity church and surrounding fields, a scene so exquisite, yet quite unable to fit it's beauty into just one little picture. To see it was heavenly.
I took a risk this morning. To go out, get a little cold and a little wet, to perhaps get a little tired but it was totally worth it.

So maybe this is what 2013 is all about for me: Taking risks? Perhaps after all this time I finally understand the true meaning of "Yolo."
It's not about the drinking and drug taking and endless parties. It's not about jumping off of cliffs 40 feet into the sea or running down the street naked screaming I love potatoes.
It's about taking a risk.
It's about those walks in the snow, going for the job you've always wanted, turning left instead of turning right. That left turn could lead you to a world of possibility. Maybe.
But I'm sat here preaching and yet that biggest risk of all, I refuse to take.
"I think I'm starting to like you"
That's a risk.
It could lead to infinite happiness and endless love. To walks together in the snow, to watching movies together late at night, to those inside jokes no one ever understands, to silences that are never awkward, to play fighting and goofy laughter, to trusting someone with your deepest soul and heart and being happy that they are yours. To a future.
Or it she could turn to you and say "I'm sorry Joshy, I don't feel the same way." You smile and say that's fine, but inside you're dying. Because you know you'll never be good enough for anyone. And that future you imagined together burns before your eyes.
That's a risk and one I am unwilling to take.
Maybe I'm stupid or maybe I already know the truth but either way risks will be taken this year.
In the age of finding myself a few risks have to be taken to recover my true being from the snow.
So I guess You Only Live Once truly is the motto.